Phase 5: Transparency

For my readers that have been faithful since phase 1, well really since I've started this website, I hope you all have kept up with me through theses 5 phases -- You may need to take a seat for this one! It took me some time to get to this phase just because I wanted every phase discussed to be relevant, relatable, and transparent.

I've always took pride in the beauty of writing because it is one of the many ways that you can express yourself without judgement or the input of an editor or narrator - it's just YOU and your thoughts. With that being said, if you know me, I also take pride in being transparent. I try to be as clear as possible and I don't mind if "you hear it from the horse's mouth" sort of speak.

If you've caught up with the previous phases that I've discussed, you get to be apart of how things unravels. I still stand strong on the feelings, moments, and vibes you encounter starting at the honeymoon on up. The beauty in meeting someone on the same wavelength as you is amazing and rare. I'm here to say my moment during that time didn't last and the least to say probably was just a "moment", but I'm not bitter or angry. Those moments I previously shared with you all in phases 1-4 were merely lessons and blessings. Cliché, right? But it's true. I've wanted relationships and turned down some of the best ones I could've had with people due to running away from long distance, settling for convenience, not trusting my intuition, feeling like I couldn't be affectionate, or even the idea of fully committing to someone; however, during my 4 phases, I was able to learn all of those things--see, not so cliché, right?

I'm typically not the one to go on and on about bragging about being single or in a relationship, bashing my ex's etc., either you know, you don't, or you assume. I wrote phases 1-4 based on first-hand experiences and understanding the experiences of those around me. Unfortunately, but also luckily, I'm able to be as clear and honest about those things that happen after the honeymoon phase has ran its course. Now hear me out, I'm not here to discourage love, companionship, dating, etc. I'm here to simply discuss life after the "honeymoon phase" and the ongoing thoughts surrounding the phases of "dating".

1. He loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, he loves me not - One thing I've recently had the pleasure of learning from a different perspective, is truly loving somebody, lusting for them, or just simply loving the "idea" of being with a person. Understanding that "caring means far more than saying you love somebody". The "L" word is often thrown around very easily and you have some people that actually mean it or "feel" like they mean, but when you care for somebody, you'll see where the love really stands. Someone told me, when you care, I mean truly care for a person, you can call them when you need them, they are there for you during sad or hard times, they actually HEAR you and SEE you. When you see a person's actions believe them the first time. Don't ask for confirmation or reassurance because everything you know will be right in front of you when that person shows you who they really are. Most people "love" the idea of you, but honestly don't have a clue what to do with you. Don't be so quick to fall for words; anybody can say they love you or sell you any dream. It's when they show they care that really matters.

2. "What i need from you is understanding.." - Listen, you can communicate all day long. It doesn't mean anything unless your partner is actively listening and displaying some type of effort to show they heard you and they care about your concerns, thoughts, or feelings. I'm not a relationship guru by all means, I'm simply relaying experience. And I'll be the first to express that it is very hard for me to communicate effectively without being defensive or use of profanity (sometimes, lol). I will tell you, it gets you no where communicating with anger behind your words, tone, or body language. Taking my own advice as well, I'm working on listening and comprehension. Yep, taking it back to a school lesson. Listening and Comprehension is key. You can't listen while talking over someone or already thinking of your response. Listen with an open mind and understand what is coming from your partner. Not only listen, but take action. Change whatever it is if it is for the betterment of your relationship. Once again based on a person's actions, you shouldn't and you don't have to keep asking a person to change something; if they CARE enough, they will do it. More times than often, because we strongly seek companionship, we latch on to a person and consume ourselves with a relationship that may not be right. YOU KNOW if it's not right; don't beg anyone to do right by you. Don't get me wrong, there are some things that can be worked out if the understanding is mutual, then there are some things we can't ignore. The idea of deeply wanting love can blind you, but always acknowledge the facts first, and choose wisely.

3. Be Real with YOURSELF - You know EXACTLY what you want; don't settle for less or don't alter your expectations to fit into somebody's picture. Be honest with others about what it is that you want. One thing about it, be clear about what it is you want; it'll save time wasted in the long run. If people can't get with what it is that you want, it is better to know now than later. Most men, shoot even women these days, always throw those famous lines out: "I don't know what the future may hold" "I guess we will see" "only time will tell" "let's just go with the flow"--baby, we are getting old. I can literally see my future every single day. Every move I make is a step towards creating my own life and legacy. Not saying anything needs to be forced between two people, but what are we playing for? It's time to grow up. Ya'll are going to look up, knocking at 40 front door, talking about take a shot. Have fun, live a little, but it is time to weed out the people or that partner that is truly for you.

4. Hopeless Romantic - You ever came across somebody and you wanted to know them inside and out? Meeting a soul so rare and genuine is a thing that is almost unimaginable.

It's complicated to express feelings, but it feels amazing when you have that one person that can hear you out and help you get through those feelings. Having that person that comes to mind when your favorite slow song comes on; that slow song that expresses those feelings you can't seem to verbally convey. I know you all have felt so soul tied to a person, you wanted to be in their skin---that's how I put it. I mean it's beautiful. When you have that person, love them unconditionally. Don't get comfortable with that type of love; always find ways to keep that spark glowing, the butterflies fluttering, and that energy growing.

To my future husband,

Your wife has experienced life as we know it for our 20's. I've learned lessons, I've met people, I've loved and I've lost, I've created memories, I've made mistakes, I have regrets, and I'm still learning --- I have flaws. Some of which have developed character and some things that don't define who I am. I always mention to you to choose wisely about which battle we are willing to fight, but I have forgotten to tell you, this battle or whatever battle between you and I, I'll always fight for you, for us. I also preach, don't get comfortable, but I also forgot to mention, you will and you can get comfortable with knowing I will never leave your side. To know you and to understand you, is to love you: your continuous stream of thoughts, your flaws, your history, it is all safe with me. We are a team, you are the foundation for our family, you are the love that bonds generations, you are compassionate, you are understanding, you are the example of what man should be, you are love, you are kind, you are smart, you are rare, you are mines. You have made me a better me, and for that I will always appreciate you. I will experience the dating, the rollercoaster, the honeymoon, and infinity and beyond with nobody else, but you.

Your wife, xoxo